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Friends In Addiction Recovery Answered
Question: What is the best way to handle peer pressure to drink/ to drug? I am in college this fall
and need help to respond to people who offer me alcohol or drugs.
Sobriety has to be the corner stone of your life. Many people
don’t drink or drug and it is important that you pick the
peers to associate with. Peers that would encourage me to
drink did it because they drank. That doesn’t mean it is
right for you. After 29 years of sobriety I have friends that
drink, but they also support my sobriety and they take
responsibility for their drinking.
~Wayne N.
I started college when I had only 45 days clean and relapsed
by the end of my freshman year because I didn’t take time to
learn the answers to this exact question. Luckily, I was clean again by the time I graduated because
I was finally
willing to get serious about the situations I put myself
in. One thing that still helps me today is remembering
that, even if no one else understands or takes the disease
I have (addiction) seriously, I do. As for those who put
serious pressure on me to get high or are rude, obnoxious,
pushy or shaming when I say no, I just don’t have room
for that. Addiction recovery has taught me that I deserve respect
when I am making choices that uphold my safety,
security, sanity and serenity. Someone who shames me for
those kinds of choices deserves my compassion FROM A DISTANCE. Hope college goes well for you. Once
I was clean
and truly in addiction recovery I truly enjoyed the whole experience of
it!
~Mindy A. (January 1989)
Change your playmates.
~Mark K.
Avoid all situations that would involve drinking (or drug),
even if that means missing out on the social aspects of college.
Find friends who do not drink. Join clubs like hiking or even
church groups that do activities nearby. Although difficult,
avoiding the temptation to drink by disassociating with others,
is easier than resisting the drink in front of you.
~Heather D.
This may be easier said than done, but you should surround
yourself with others that are working a program of addiction recovery. I
have learned that I needed to change my play ground and
play mates. The people that would pressure you to drink and
drug, are not your friends. They will not be there for you
when you are really hurting and in need. Those that are truly in addiction
recovery will be willing to help you stay on track.
~Gary H.
There are AA mtgs. on campus-stay close to your sober
friends. Don’t put yourself into a slippery situation by trying
to be around drinking. There is plenty to do that does not
involve drinking or drugs. Sincerely,
~Tricia T.
Just say no. Drugs and drinking is a personal choice and you
choose not to use. If you don’t feel like you can say no, find a
meeting and avoid peers who use drugs and alcohol.
~Logan R.
I can understand how difficult it is to be having a good time
with my friends, and then a situation like that comes into
play. If they are your true friends, they will respect your
decision if you decline the offer. I know that my “true”
friends wouldn’t judge me on what I did or what I didn’t do.
So just tell them “no, it’s not for me” and they should respect
your wishes. It will be a lot easier then you might think.
~Jamie S.
Depends if you want to interject humor or not. Sometimes I
say “sorry I drank (used) all the fun out of it”, or “every time
I drank (used) I broke out in handcuffs”. The easiest way for
me to diffuse the situation is to calmly say “ I just don’t feel
like Drinking (using) today, which is the truth. Remember less
is more anytime we give an explanation. When we were using
we always came up with these elaborate stories to cover up all
the things we were doing at the time. Today you just need to
remove yourself from the situations which aren’t conducive to
sober living. Do the things that sober people do in addiction recovery
not the things we did when we were “out there.”
~Ike from St. Louis
People are always going to offer you drugs and alcohol. When
we decided to get clean it was our own personal choice not
theirs.. For me i have to remember all the pain and heartbreak
my addiction drowned me in. I have to go back to the basics
everyday and work steps 1 2 and 3. EVERYDAY. I suggest
you work the steps regularly and get a sponsor. This is a program
of action and if you’re not taking any, you’re going to
relapse. Get a sponsor and use them daily and don’t use no
matter what. You have a choice today- the choice to say no.
Use it.
~Lisa W.
I have a hard time trusting people in meetings and feeling comfortable
sharing. Do you have any words of wisdom for me?
I suggest finding a meeting that you feel more trust in, perhaps
a smaller meeting.
~Wade R.
This is one of reasons why we all need a sponsor. Addiction recovery meetings
have all kinds of people--every one of them needing help.
Some information is fine to share with everyone, and some is
best discussed with a sponsor or TRUSTED program friend.
After you’ve attended meetings for a while, you should be
able to discern which subjects are ‘too personal’ for a meeting.
If they are available, you might also benefit from attending
additional meetings in other locations. Finally, the most
important thing for me to remember in a meeting is to BE a
person who can be trusted. I try to remind myself, “whom
you see here, what you hear here, let it stay here.’
~TS from the Midwest
Trust is something that you are born with but the situations,
people, and events that happen in our lives affect how we
gain trust as we grow up. Just remember that everyone in your
group is there for similar reasons and are probably feeling the
same way you are. Don’t worry about what others will think
of you because you will be surprised how many people in addiction recovery probably
wanted to say or have experienced the same things. Let
people in and that can give you a great sense of fulfillment.
~Jennifer R.
It is sometimes difficult to share things that are very personal
and deep. Try to remember that they are at the meeting for
the same reason you are, support. When you share your story
of recovery you never know who in that room it will touch
and give them strength to carry on. We are part of a very unique fraternity who help each other,
whether we know it or
not.
~Bill C.
I have made strides by finding a sponsor and working the
steps with him. My success hinges on being honestly diligent
as I work with him and willingly sharing my difficulties and
successes in addiction recovery. He is thankful for the opportunity to help me. He
has not been shocked by anything I have shared and has kept
all discussions confidential. I listen in meetings, particularly
to those who have had success in their sobriety and exude the
happiness that comes with that. I try to take one step at a
time and I am experiencing wonderful things in my life.
When things get difficult I can use the tools that have been
given to me including the willingness to talk to another alcoholic/
addict.
~Scott W.
Going to meetings especially if you are a newcomer to the
group is much like being the “new kid” at school. You feel like
you have no friends and nothing in common with anyone in
the room. The wonderful thing at meetings is that you have
something in common with everyone in there and the worst
that can happen is that you get worn out from all the hugs.
Sharing will be easier with time and if you are called on and
don’t feel comfy enough to share just comment on how grateful
you are to be in a meeting and sober because that is always
a fantastic thing!!
~Shan I.
Trust is another principle in living sober that has to be practiced,
as is love, patience, and kindness etc.. I believe it starts
with our Higher Power. What a great place to start to trust.
“Trust everybody, but cut the cards”, lol.
~Tony M.
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