Reflections
By Pat G.
Addiction Recovery:
I have many life experiences over 53
years I could reflect upon. For this article,
I would like to concentrate on
miracles, specifically the miracle of addiction recovery
and the miracle of Valley Hope.
It seems like yesterday, the memory
vividly etched in my mind, as a 12 year
old walking into the family room and
finding Dad unconscious, drooped over
the couch. My 10 year old sister screamed and my older
brother ran up the stairs as I yelled, “Dad is dead.” My brother
put into practice the artificial respiration he had learned in
Boy Scouts as I dialed the operator. The ambulance arrived
the same time Mom returned home from the store. Mom
sobbed as the ambulance left, my brother was mentally and
physically exhausted and my sister and I retreated to the back
bedroom, held hands and prayed that God would let Daddy
live.
To most children, the scene just described would be horrific
and most unusual, but to those of us raised in an alcoholic
home, it is almost business as usual. The chaos, yelling, screaming,
crying, fighting; the fear, despair, anger and sorrow are all
normal in the alcoholic home. It seems there is no end, no
way out, hurting so bad, so full of fear; wanting a hug, wanting
to be loved but not knowing how.
As the ambulance pulled away, we had no idea if Dad was
dead or alive. We did not know Dad was suffering from alcohol
poisoning. We just knew as bad as it was, we wanted
Daddy to come back home. The next day Mom told us that
Dad was alive but then she said something that ‘knocked my
socks off’; she said “you are going to get a new daddy.” What
could she mean? Talk about a mixed up kid! Mom went on to
explain that Dad was going to a ‘new kind of hospital’ in
Norton, KS called Valley Hope. As a 12-year old, I had no
idea what that meant, all I knew was life was no fun and I
was a scared little boy.
A miracle indeed happened, when Dad returned home
after 30 days at the ‘hospital’ called Valley Hope, there
was peacefulness about him. Things around the house became
more predictable. That’s not to say we weren’t without
struggles, only that there was hope where once there was
despair.
Of course, I swore off the evils of alcohol as a young teenager;
I had seen the damage it could cause. Never, never
would I drink alcohol. Oh, but never is a long time. There
was something about that first drink at the age of 14; the
second made me feel even better. The ‘hole’ in my being was
suddenly filled; the scared little boy was scared no more. This
is what I had been searching for.
Drinking and drugs became more and more a part of my
life. At first it made me a better dancer, talker, took away the
fears and oh…so much smarter! As time passed though, the
problem solver became the problem. As I reflect upon the
years of active addiction, indeed it is a miracle I am alive
today.
In July of 1980, I picked up the phone and called Dad
and said “I need help.” He called Valley Hope and before I
knew it I was on my way to the “new kind of hospital!” The
summer of 1980 was very hot (I will save the spiritual awakening
story for another issue) in spite of the A/C system failing
at the addiction recovery center I received another miracle; the gift
of life, as I was spiritually dead. I enjoyed a few years of
sobriety until I quit “doin the doin” and relapsed. In 1991,
I came back to the “new hospital” and by the grace and
mercy of God, plus a whole lot of prayers from my Mom
and others, I am a living miracle, over 17 years sober. I once
heard a speaker say he wanted to be alive when he died and
I too pray to be alive when I die.
My Father, who went to addiction treatment in 1968, remained sober
for over 40 years. On his AA birthdays, Dad would tell
the story of his 3rd day of treatment. He went in to see his
counselor, Bill K., and informed him there was no way in the
world he could stay sober the rest of his life. Bill looked at
Dad and said “Henry, I don’t want you to stay sober the rest
of your life, I just want you to stay sober today.” Because of
the miracles of Valley Hope and addiction recovery, when Dad passed
away this year, he was living one day at a time. Like Dad,
many of us will be alive when we pass from this earth, truly
miracles, clean and sober, living one day at a time.
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