You Asked...
Friends In Recovery Answered
Question 1: Was it easier or harder than you thought to
change your lifestyle, do your program, and stay
sober?
Things are easier said than done...It is very simply put to just
keep on promising your best friends how you are going to change
your lifestyle and the way you are living your life...In some way
“WE” as in “ME” are very inconsiderate in regards to them,
having our friends pick up our dirt… I am very confident that,
if you want it bad enough it’s there...“God” only helps those who
help themselves.
~Melissa C.
It was way harder than I thought to get sober. It was impossible
for me to change my life, I needed help. Once I started focusing
on turning my life over to God, the rest came naturally. When
my focus became my spiritual growth, the other parts of my life
turned around.
Valley Hope alcoholism treatment and
AA
taught me the skills I needed,
it was up to me to choose to use them, but it was and is God who
keeps me sober.
~Scott T.
It was both harder and easier to change my lifestyle, work the
program, and stay sober. It was harder at first because I was not
used to having tools to pick up and use instead of a drink. When
trouble came, I relapsed, but I was lucky and came right back
in. Once I became honest with EVERYONE and let go of what I
thought was my control, my life became beautiful. Through
continuously learning to let go again and again, the program
became easier, and staying sober, no matter what, is the first
priority that makes everything else in my life work and to be
possible. I am grateful every single day, even when times
are tough. We are truly the lucky ones.
~Julie P.
When I get myself out of the way and turn EVERYTHING over
to God to handle it is so easy it’s ridiculous! When I try to take
control, it becomes very, very difficult and way too simple to slip
back into old ways of thinking and living. So, if you want easy,
turn everything in your daily life over to God, every day.
~ Dan F.
It was a lot harder than I thought. Being only 16, I thought I
could handle this treatment
thing for the 30 days, then I could
go back out and use again. No big deal, right? Well that’s not
the case at all. I found within the first week, I learned how
powerful addiction was. Never knew it was so powerful, especially
methamphetamine. But doing my program was a lot harder than
I thought because going into the program I thought it would be a
breeze, well that is not the case.
~John S.
I have only been out of
alcoholism treatment
for 10 days. I have decided to
not return to work as the stress may be too much at this time. I
am enjoying a few weeks with my grandchildren, swimming, golfing,
etc. I am enjoying life with no stress and the good company of
fellow alcoholics at
alcoholism treatment in O’Neill
I was riding that pink cloud. Soon reality hit and life was there. The folks at
O’Neill said get a sponsor and go to meetings. For once in
my life I listened to someone other than myself. Amazingly,
when I followed those two things, my lifestyle changed
without me even realizing it. Along with the lifestyle change
came the realization that I didn’t think about drinking.
When you talk to your sponsor and work the rest of the
twelve steps, it is amazing how good things get. It’s all in
the Big Book. Just read it, work it, and talk to your sponsor
two to three times a week. Don’t leave things out, don’t lie
to him or her and follow their instructions. Life is good!!!!
~Paul H.
Good question...I really think it depends on what kind of
lifestyle you led while getting high. Personally, I was a stay
at home addict. This means I did not frequent places or
people that used or drank. I got my drug of choice and
maintained a pretty stable lifestyle. I was completely
detached emotionally, but I was there physically. Now I
am just trying to apply what I learned in treatment and
meetings to my life. Easier said than done! I can go to a
meeting and be peaceful for that hour, however, going home
or to school or work and applying those tools are a different
story. Keep it real and stay true to yourself. Enjoy the hills
and pray in the valley’s.
~Kevin A.
Question 2: I’m the family member of an alcoholic/addict. How
do I begin to trust again after so many broken
promises?
I know as a recovering addict/alcoholic, it is even sometimes
difficult for me to trust myself, so I can imagine how a family
member feels. I do know that for me, I am aware and feel sad
for the heartache I have caused family and friends. So I make
amends and live my life better. If I do something that causes
more pain, I immediately try to make it right. Trust comes in
time. It is realistic not to trust someone who one month ago
was stealing from you or manipulating you for their needs.
Naturally, it will take time to trust your family member again.
Hopefully over time, you will be able to see they are walking
through life with a new outlook and don’t practice the same
behaviors as they used to. Eventually you will realize when
they say they are going to a meeting they actually are. They are
showing up sober for family events. It is a fact, however, that
some people will relapse, so it seems not trusting them right
away may be wise. It is my experience that family members
do come to trust again, so long as I am healthy and not using
and working a good program.
~Kim C.
I am an alcoholic and addict but also have a family member
who is struggling with sobriety. Since I have the blessing of
the program on my side, I do understand their plight. I can
only tell you from my own experience that when we start getting
sober and clean we sincerely regret ALL the promises we have
broken in the past. Trust and respect are things we, as alcoholics
and addicts, must EARN now. Remember, WORDS are just
words, but ACTIONS speak volumes. Watch your family
member’s actions and in time, hopefully, they will EARN your
trust and respect once again. I wish you and your loved one
the best on this happy journey. May God bless you and keep
you ONE DAY AT A TIME.
~Libby H.
Actions will speak louder than any words can. I wouldn’t trust
me either, after everything I did to earn my family’s distrust!
Al-Anon is an organization with lots of experience with living
with us.
~Brad H.
Through my recovery, as I was gaining tools to live a healthy
life, so was my family. My father realized that he too was
sick, addicted to me and my active self. He gained the tools
from Al-Anon and his twelve steps. He had to set new
boundaries and stick to them, and so did I. We are
very blessed to have had Valley Hope in our lives; it was the
start to my new life. And it was a new start for my family as
well! God Bless.
~Katie B.
Regaining trust is not an event, but a long process. It’s very
easy for one to set up the recovering alcoholic by just assuming
he/she has not changed or expecting the same response as
you did receive 100x before. Be supportive of your family
member to work his program. But you also need to be involved
with AL-ANON. Learning about this disease and how it affects
every person who is in contact with the alcoholic. Keep a
very open mind about change. You won’t see any burning
bushes/or lightening strikes to signify change. The change
comes from within for the alcoholic. As long as the desire
and willingness to work through alcoholism treatment and make the necessary
changes needed, the trust will begin to be rebuilt.
~Tricia T.
Al-Anon is a wonderful program to help family and friends
deal with just such issues. It takes prayer, time and a willing
heart.
~Mindy S.
Have you ever made such a huge mistake where you think
everyone in your life should hate you, and you deserve to be
shunned? Were you then shocked by how the people you
love so easily forgave you? Your family member is not an
alcoholic/addict by choice; we do not wake every morning
thinking what a good day to inflict pain and ruin lives. We
suffer from a disease from which there is no known cure.
The first best thing we can do is stop using, after that it is the
daily acts of not picking up again and doing the next right
thing that keeps us moving forward towards the lives we
deserve. I would hope you attend some of the 12-step meetings
your family member attends, as well as some just for you, then
maybe you will be able to separate the alcoholism/addiction
from your family member. The disease we suffer from is not
who we are and hopefully with some time, you will be able to
see your family member as someone beyond the alcoholic/
addict who made and broke so many promises. Try not to
hold their past against them, if you can, just as you surely
don’t want parts of your past held against you.
~AnnaLisa U.
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