The Coffee goes Cold

My sister called last night from St. Louis, Missouri. It seems another friend of ours has died at the hands of this terrible disease. He was found in his basement swinging from a rope that John Barleycorn had carefully placed around his neck. When she told me the sad news my only comment was, "This @#$*& disease got another one."
Sue met Byron in the 1980s while attending nursing school. Back then male nurses were not common. I met him a few years later at one of Sue's famous Christmas parties. When my sister received her Bachelor of Science degree in the 1990s he was there with a friend. I remember we sat with them and visited in the parking lot after the ceremony. I was drunk but I do not remember if he was. Byron did travel nursing. He made good money but money does not buy happiness. How many times have we heard that one?
Our friend came into the fellowship of AA in the late 1990s. I knew he partied a lot but I had no idea he was in our specialized ranks. I came into the program in 2001. We never met or discussed the program but we relayed messages through my sister. The way I understand it, a year or so ago he found out he had AIDS and started drinking again. I remember asking my sister to have him call me. But we all know what that is like. The last thing a relapsing alcoholic wants to do is call another sober member. Pride gets in our way every time. Let's not forget remorse, guilt, and shame. His reasons for going back out only he knows. It was a combination of a thousand excuses alcoholics use to justify their reasons.
My alcoholism is still in me even today. It is a living, breathing creature lying in wait. You see I am convinced if I drink again I will die. It won't be an easy death like going to sleep and never waking up. No it will be a gruesome death common with this disease. Death might come behind the wheel of a car taking someone's family along with me. I might electrocute myself while trying to take a bath listening to jazz because it would be cool. I might burn the house down late one night after lighting a candle and subsequently knocking it over after passing out because it would be eerie or it could be falling off another 75 foot cliff. The truth is I cannot guarantee what I will do if I take that first drink.
Yes, the disease has claimed another victim but the next doesn't have to be me. Today I have choices and a responsibility. This is a simple program for complicated people. Here are a few of the things I do to keep sober: do not drink, go to meetings, talk to another alcoholic everyday, use my sponsor, read the Big Book, pray and meditate, work the 12 steps. I still have no defense against the first drink- that has to come from God.

By: David W.