Highlight on the 12 Steps
Steps 4-5 The Act Of Washing, By Kevin Seuser
Drug And Alcohol Treatment Centers:
I grew up in a family of co-addicts competing for the
attention of a “Big I” paternal grandfather who was addicted
to women, food, alcohol and work. At age six proudly I
declared, “I want to be just like you when I grow up.” My
grandmother (his wife) looked at me and said, “careful for
what you wish.” I threw myself into research and
experimentation for the next twenty years not even knowing
all the details. I became lost in trying to become all that
my grandfather was and wasn’t, but who was Kevin?
Strangely enough a parallel track was started by my
maternal step grandmother, “Mimi.” She started me on a
journey to understand brokenness and forgiveness in my
childhood. She married my mom’s dad. I found out years
later- she had been married three times before my
grandfather. Her first husband loved two things a bottle of
whiskey and working, especially if he could do both. He
died in a job related accident. The second man she married thought
women were made to be submissive as a punching
bag. When he would come home drunk without a pay
check, he didn’t want any lip. The third man thought marriage
should be open for him and that she should be
happy with leftovers. She didn’t want any more of that.
She consigned herself to stay away from men. My granddad
was a Quaker, non drinker, pacifist and recent widower. He
started visiting w/ her every lunch hour five days a week for
a long time.
When I was three years old- Mimi let me help make nobake
cookies. When we talked, she would look me in the
eyes. What I liked best was when she would take us
children on an adventure through the neighborhoods and
find bits of broken glass- windows, beer & whiskey bottles,
tail lights, head lamps, cups & dishes and much more.
She would wear an apron with pockets and make
comments about what was broken and how it might
have it happened. Then she would place these items
in her pockets. She was always asked, “Whatcha going
to do with that stuff.” She would tell all concerned,
“Later, I’ll show you later.”
Our lives are full of pain caused by brokenness. We
all suffer from brokenness in our lives- broken
moments, broken dreams, broken hearts, broken
relationships, and things. Feelings related to grief can have us experiencing a spectrum of fear and anger.
Brokenness weighs us down and easily ties us into our
addictions or leads us back into them. In our addictions,
self-will cuts all the corners and always brings us back to
where we’ve always been. The breaking continues. The
brokenness multiplies as long as we continue to use or stay
in our stinking thinking. What do we do with that broken
stuff?
Valley Hope drug and alcohol treatment center offers a four part fourth step. The first
part looks at our perceptions of self, family, friends and
significant others. Part two asked us to consider how we
use character defects in our addiction. Part three invites
us to name the worst things done to or by us- lying,
stealing, abusing, displacing the higher power, lusting,
losing gratitude for life and sexual misconduct or
indiscretion. The fourth part is sometimes the hardest
one, as many of us know more about what we do wrong
than what was done right. We admit to being thankful,
name the three best things and count 15 character
strengths. It is an invitation to a “searching and fearless”
moral inventory.
Mimi would come back to her house with her pockets
full of dirty broken colored glass followed by an entourage
of grand children. Full of excitement, we rushed close to
see would happen next. She went to her sink in the
kitchen, turned on the water and began taking the broken
glass out of her pocket. She washed each piece with
soap. Then she reached into the cupboard under the sink
and pulled out a honey jar. She put water in the jar and
put the broken glass in a piece at time. It layered in place.
As she worked, she reminded us of the broken sharp edges.
The intentional naming of the “exact nature of our
wrongs” is a washing off. It isn’t about hiding it away,
forgetting or pretending it ever happened. It is washing
each piece in front of one other person. What is our
intention? Are we willing to ask for forgiveness? Those
are the questions involved in steps 6 and 7. For Mimi it
was about working all the way through steps 8-9 so that
the light of forgiveness could shine through the glass and
throw a rainbow of light around her kitchen when she
placed it in her window.
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