Family Matters III
Laura Thurman, M.Ed., M.S. Counselor
Drug Rehab:
Double winners...
While much younger and prior to any knowledge of my
own addiction, I recognized that that my mother was a worrier,
filled with intense fear, and needing to be in control. She had
an intense need to know everything. She was certainly religious,
yet was not able to do what I recognize now as important for
sanity; accepting life on life’s terms and turning outcomes over
to a Higher Power. She went to counseling and we went to
counseling as a family, yet there was no change in her behavior.
She stayed sick and we stayed sick. There was no biological
connection to my mother, I was adopted. I am not in any way
relating my drug addiction to her behavior. I do have more
understanding and compassion for her behavior now.
It was not until I was a couple years into recovery, having
made friends with others in AA and in Al-anon, that it occurred
to me, her behavior may have resulted from being affected by
alcoholism. She had mentioned on more than one occasion
that she lived in fear as a child and a young person. She was
afraid of her father not coming home as expected of his drinking
what little they had away, and of his pouring a beer down a
tube in his stomach when he had his larynx removed from
cancer. She never called him an alcoholic and her accounts of
what happened were brief. It appears that her behavior was
never related to her experience of growing up with the
uncertainty of living with an addict. I try not to live in the
past, but I do wonder what her life and ours would have been
like had she been involved in the 12 Step Drug Rehab Program of
Al-anon.
I do not believe my own addiction was a result of her
behavior. It was mine to own, yet I knew about the 12 Step
Drug Rehab Program long before I began to recover at age 46. What I now
have grown to know is that when addicts work the 12 Step Drug Rehab
Program and families do the same, the gift is others in their
family as well as future family members have a chance those in
the past did not have. This is the gift we can give our families
for their future. The effects of the disease can begin to heal
and the 12 Step spiritual solution can become better known.
I know now even if my children are addicts, they will know
there is another answer. I have been an example for them
and continue to get well by working a 12 Step Drug Rehab Program for
life.
With this personal experience as part of my knowledge, I
have made some observations while working with addicts and
their families. Valley Hope Drug Rehab recognizes addiction is a family
disease and emphasizes family involvement. Family members
appear to want their family member to get better, yet they
appear as resistant to getting help as the addict. They want
to know how to help the addict, not realizing what they can
do is help themselves. If addiction is a family disease they
are best served by getting treatment themselves and going to
12 Step meetings, getting a sponsor and working the steps for
themselves. So it seems, at least in the beginning, the addict
and the family member have some of the same symptoms of
addiction: denial, wanting an instant quick fix, and wanting
to do it their way.
The fact that both the addict and the family must
make their own recovery unconditional also conflicts
with what is best for the outcome of the family as a
whole. This means for the addict to recover they must
work the 12 Step Drug Rehab Program of recovery even if their family
does not. The family must work a 12 Step program of
recovery even if the addict does not. One part of the
family being in drug rehab does influence the other, and if
both are in recovery it often goes much smoother and
life gets better quicker. Yes, if the addict gets better the
family is influenced to get better, and if the family gets
better it is more difficult for the addict to continue in
their addiction. When the best possible scenario takes place
and both are in recovery, WOW! What possibilities for a
future! I suppose what is most important to remember is
the 12 Step Drug Rehab Program is a “we” program, the addict needs
others for recovery and support and so does the family.
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