You Asked...
Friends In Recovery Answered
Question 1. I’ve been through drug rehabilitation twice. My family isn’t
very hopeful that I’ll stay in recovery. What advice
do you have for me?
My family was not very hopeful either, as it was my fourth
treatment, but my first at Valley Hope. Valley Hope really
gave me the tools I needed to continue drug rehabilitation. Mainly,
turn it over to your Higher Power. Go to meetings, keep in
touch with others in recovery and avoid situations that could
cause failure. (For me, that is isolation, for some it is former
friends that are users.) It would be great if your family were
more supportive, but you have to do it for YOU, with your
Higher Power’s help! Blessings to you.
~Debbie G.
I love a saying that an AA friend has each time I see him at
a meeting. He says, “I woke up this morning and joined
Alcoholics Anonymous. It’s going to be a good day!” This
reminds me that my continued drug rehabilitation is one day at a time. I don’t
have any advice for you, but I can tell you that I was in
treatment twice at Atchison Valley Hope and I don’t think
many folks around me were giving me great odds to stay in
recovery. My sponsor helped me to see the value in today
as a tool to prioritize my recovery and guard against
unproductive, negative thinking that could take place
around me or in my own head! They have a right to be less
than hopeful. I have a right to recovery through action!
~Jeff F.
Actions and not words. You have to be responsible for your
own sobriety, it takes time for your family to trust again, you
have to remember you didn’t lose their trust over night, and
you won’t get it back overnight. Work your program, that
means work it, meetings are great but there’s a lot more to
working your program than just meetings. Al-anon might be
a great suggestion for your family as well in helping them to
understand your addiction and what they need to do for
themselves as you’re doing what you need to do for you.
~Lloyd W.
Unfortunately it takes time and action. The only thing we
can do is take it One Day At A Time and do the next right
thing. Try to figure out what you can do differently or what
was lacking in your program the first time and make a change.
Our families have every reason to distrust us and it takes
time to build that trust again. Ask your Higher Power for
patience. Best of Luck to you.
~Libby H.
It isn’t the family’s job to keep you sober. You have to want
to be sober. You have to believe you have a problem. Then
you have to abandon your old thinking, get a sponsor, and
make your continued drug rehabilitation your number one priority. Until you can
do this, you won’t stay sober. There are lots of people who’ve
been through treatment twice and many more times than that,
but they finally realized they had to want it and need
sobriety. Your alternatives are not too good, death, jails or
institution. What do you think?
~Linda W.
If you’ve been to treatment you are willing to get the tools
you need to get well. It is you who is blessed to have the
opportunity to wake up every morning and decide what kind
of human you want to be. I am an alcoholic and I am okay
with that now. Active in my disease my relationship with my
family was as sick as I was. Through my work in the program
I have learned that my family may never really trust my
long-term commitment. It is not up to me to worry what
they think anymore. It is up to me to work this program
everyday and to stay healthy. The only thing I can do for
my family is not drink, make amends, and make healthy
decisions...every day! Remember we are blessed alcoholics
because we have been chosen to get well. Sober since January
3, 2009.
~Katie B.,
My best advice it to go to meetings and call people even if
you don’t want to, they want you to call. I love helping
others even when it is me that needs the help. We are in this
together and need each other. Unfortunately, relapse is part
of the disease...however, it is not part of the recovery. When
you are at the point where you will do whatever it takes,
total surrender, respect for the life and death factor of the
disease, and if you will follow the instructions of a sponsor,
you will succeed in drug rehabilitation.
~Blair H.
Although recovery is repetitive in that we hear the same
cliché’s over and over...keep coming back. There is no time
limit on when someone will make the transition. There is,
however, a time limit on life. No matter how long it takes
and how many times you walk in and out of recovery doors,
keep coming back. We have already planted the seed
of uncertainty within the minds and souls of our family and
friends that is no longer our issue; it is out of our control. We
don’t come back for them, we come back for us. Keep coming
back, your transition awaits you.
~Tamara S.
All you can do is one day at a time. You need to live in the
now. It is safer for your loved ones to not expect too much
from you. Don’t do it for anyone but you. Remember there
is nothing you can do to change your past. Trust is earned
and in time trust will come back.
~Nancy J.
If your family doesn’t have faith that you will stick
through it, I would USE that to my favor. Prove them
wrong, YOU know you can do it. For me, a big part of my
drug rehabilitation was my stubbornness…our addictions are nothing
to joke about, it’s literally LIFE OR DEATH, and you
have to use every weapon at your disposal. Sometimes it’s
easier said than done, but try to take all of the negatives
and use them as positives.
~Dennis M.
Remember, in some cases relapse is inevitable in recovery.
Try to look in a mirror and see if you like what you see. The
answer is usually obvious. There is only one thing you can
do and that is to keep trying, otherwise three things will
happen most definitely…You will go insane, you will be
incarcerated, or you will die. So you have to ask yourself…“How
do those options sound to you or your family?” Keep trying
my unknown friend. Help is all around you, just be honest
with yourself and others.
~T. Douglas W.
Sometimes the only way to show others that we want to
change is by changing. When I first went to drug rehabilitation no
one believed that I would make it. 3 years later, I am still
here. They believe in me now because I SHOW them
every day I have changed. And because I believe in myself.
~Lisa H.
Question 2. I’ve recently lost my job and I’m financially very
worried. This is messing with my serenity. Do you
have advice for me?
Wow! This is a question I could have submitted myself! The
answer is to talk to your sponsor, go to meetings and pray! I
know all of this sounds great, but it doesn’t always give us the
immediate serenity we need. For me, I have to keep reminding
myself the next, right job WILL come along--in GOD’s time,
not mine. I pray about it, and I take advantage of the extra
time with my children. God has a definite plan for each of
us, and the perfect place for me is out there, somewhere. He
just hasn’t brought me and that position together yet.
~Ashley J.
First of all, keep going to meetings and get input and support
from your peers. Secondly, I think the best thing to do would
be to stay as busy as possible. Get a solid daily routine of
activities including job searching, doing something you enjoy-
-get out of the house if possible, spending time with family if
possible, volunteering to help an older friend, neighbor or
family member, and, most definitely, attending a meeting or
meetings. Have a daily schedule and stick to it. Don’t let
yourself get bored and complacent. MOST IMPORTANT OF
ALL – PRAY TO YOUR HIGHER POWER – He/she will help
you through it
~Melissa E.
Just remember that God, your Higher Power, watches over
you all the time. He is what got you to the Serenity in the
beginning. Continue to realize whatever is happening, good
and bad, is part of his plan, special for you from your Higher
Power. Be strong in God, tell him how you feel. We can move
away from God but God never moves away from us, so stay
real close. 1 Corinthians 10:13.
~Bill C.
Try remembering what you were feeling during your first 30
days of sobriety, and then how far you’ve come since then. For
me, I was scared and confused at first. I had a wife and four
kids to support, yet I had no job, no house, and no hope. But
I’ve since learned that addiction is a state of hopelessness,
and by working the 12-Steps I don’t have to worry about the
things in life I cannot understand, but to do what I can and
trust my Higher Power to take care of the rest.
~Jared L.
As difficult as it may seem, in order to maintain our serenity
and remain spiritually fit, we must surrender our will to our
Higher Power. There can be no serenity without this. In doing
this, through prayer and meditation, pray only God will guide
you in the direction he wants you to go and he will continue
to allow you to help others along the way. Trust God will
always give you what you need even if it is not necessarily
what you want.
~Jim C.
I have recently been unemployed myself and is doesn’t have
to mess with your serenity. If you have a Higher Power and
truly believe, you will be taken care of. This doesn’t mean
you don’t have to do your part. Go to meetings, call your
sponsor, search for employment and actually apply. With
all that going on you should be able to maintain your serenity
because you will be just as tired as if you were working.
Money of course, the big issue, is critical. Don’t be afraid
to ask for help, such as unemployment, etc...If all else
fails, call Valley Hope and talk with one of the wonderful
employees and you will feel better in no time. I always
remember Montica and Annie telling me “just breathe.”
Sometimes a few deep breaths is all it takes to get your brain
back on the right track. “Do the next right thing” and you
will always benefit.
~ Amy W.
Go to a lot of meetings and focus on the positive things in
your life. Just like your battle to overcome alcoholism or
drugs, you traveled though that trial for a reason. Think of
your search for employment as your new job. Network.
Go to coffee shops, job fairs, etc. Post your job need on job
boards throughout your community and at local colleges. Do
not allow yourself to stay at home or go back to hanging out
at places you know are high risk. If you can, sign up for
some classes to advance your skills or just for your enjoyment.
Whatever you do, don’t become idle.
I work in the human service sector in Montana and there is
something called TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy
Families) you can apply for at your county office of Public
Assistance (OPA). It is a nation-wide program. You can also
apply for Food Stamps and other emergency assistance such
as rent assistance, heat/fuel assistance, and energy (electricity)
assistance. They can also refer you to job search assistance
programs. Job Service is a good place to go and get registered;
they too have many job searching tools, assistance,
information, and advice. Hope this helps!
~McKenzie M.
It looks so glum at first glance; however I know the God
I trust to keep me sober also wants to provide my
needs. After all, who feeds the birds? Hang in there and
pray for help from the same Higher Power that brought you
to our Valley Hope.
~Marilyn B.
Get to a meeting
Get to 2 meetings
Get to 3 meetings
Let people know you are out of work
Get to a meeting
~John H.
Just remember to TRUST in your Higher Power. There is a
plan in place; it just may not work at the same speed you
want it to. Maybe this plan is different from the one you
have for yourself. You can always spend extra time
volunteering to help keep yourself occupied and maybe a
new path will present itself.
~Megan O.
Being out of work is a perfect opportunity to attend more
meetings. Keeping yourself busy is critical. In addition to
looking for new employment and going to more meetings, I
would suggest service work and volunteer work.
~Jenny M
Need Expert Advice?
Reference Our Clinician Library, Articles,
And Videos By Clicking Here