Family Matters VII
By Denise Zahm, PLADAC Counselor
Substance Abuse Treatment:
Denial
As the family facilitator at O’Neill Valley Hope Substance Abuse Treatment, I have
been given the opportunity to experience and to observe the
healing process begin in the family members and loved ones
of those addicted to drugs and alcohol. The most common
obstacles that I have witnessed in family members and loved
ones participating in the new family substance treatment include, but
are not limited to; denial, loss of one’s identity and fear.
Most of the time it appears the family members have hit
their emotional bottoms long before the chemically
dependant person has hit theirs.
The most important thing for somebody who is affected
by someone else’s drinking or using is to be able to admit
they have been affected by somebody else’s drinking or using.
Denial seems to be the most serious obstacle to them getting
help. Once the family members or loved one can admit they
need treatment the healing process can begin. Sometimes family
members arrive to participate in the family program refusing
to acknowledge or accept they have a problem and some
have already surrendered to the idea that the disease of
addiction has affected them, also. Many times they are
exhausted with having to take care of the chemically
dependent person, which leads them to the loss of their own
identity.
It appears there are numerous ways in which the family
member and loved ones have
lost who they are and what is
important to them by the
negative chain reaction of the
disease of substance dependence, sometimes
beginning with simply loving
the addicted person and
possibly ending with feeling
completely responsible for
the chemically dependent
person. This can include
financial responsibilities,
emotional, mental and even
physical well being of the
addicted person. In doing
so they lose themselves and
the substance abuse family program
encourages the family members to begin taking care of
themselves because they are deserving of and they are worth
it. It is at this point that family members and loved ones
appear to gain the hope they need to seek the help they need
to live with this disease whether the addicted person is
recovering or not.
Once the family members or loved ones admit they need
treatment and begin taking care of themselves, they are likely to
begin experiencing fear of the unknown. Such as: How the
addict or alcoholic will care for themselves without their help.
Will they be able to stay clean or sober? What happens if
they can’t? Will the addicted person be responsible? How
will they pay their bills? Etc. This is usually when I encourage
them to continue to focus on themselves, to attend regular
Al-Anon meetings and to get an Al-Anon sponsor to help
them along in their own treatment. I also remind them that
can only help themselves, change themselves and they deserve
recovery.
One of the gifts of working with the family members or
loved ones in the new substance abuse family program is to witness and be a
part of turning desperation into hope. Family members arrive to treatment
most of the time in the depths of despair and leave with a
smile and a sparkle in their eye with hope for the future.
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